Leadership Coaching
Leadership Coaching
One of my clients from the executive leadership coaching program was feeling bruised after receiving his annual performance appraisal. He had heard the message before, “learn how to act with true confidence” but his boss added more detail this time, “You need to dial down the arrogance.” My client had heard this before, but had a tendency to ignore the message or kill the messenger–until he heard it from his boss and learned how colleagues and staff perceived him: exaggerated assumption of superiority, rude, imperious, egotistical, disdainful, uncooperative, aloof, smug, etc.
This was a tough message for him to hear, because he had a belief that he was the smartest guy in the room and that gave him license to behave with impunity–because he was achieving desired results. Yes, the job got done, but the collateral damage resulted in very poor business relationships and the business results were starting to suffer as a consequence: missed deadlines, malicious compliance, weak staff performance and higher levels of turnover. During our coaching sessions, he shared that perhaps, there was fallout from his arrogance in his personal life as well.
Sometimes it takes a metaphorical slap upside the head to hear a tough message. For my client, it wasn’t until he realized that he could lose a promising career trajectory and the people he loves, that he became interested in how he could drop the arrogance and act with confidence.
His journey began with taking a fearless inventory of his strengths, talents, biases, assumptions and values, and uncovering his blind spots. His breakthrough came after much data collection, discussion and reflection, when he revealed that he acted arrogantly because he doubted his own abilities and he was fearful of getting it wrong. The irony of course is that once he realized that others could see his weaknesses, despite his efforts to shield, hide or distract, he no longer needed to let everyone know how smart he was, and he could let others be smart as well. What accelerated the process was his capability to reframe some key mindsets: that he could “be strong” by asking for help, admitting he was wrong, or that he didn’t have the answer. The next key learning was for him to embrace and truly appreciate what he learned about himself, so he could be comfortable in his own skin.
He then embarked on a plan to transform how he interacted with people. The list below targeted the new behaviors he wanted to adopt and the ones to avoid. At first, my client had more setbacks than successes because of some very ingrained behaviors, but over time, his business results improved due to the improvement of his business relationships. He also used a “trusted advisor” to observe him and give feedback so he could become self-correcting.
* Apologize with heart vs. fake apology
* Inquire vs. Advocate
* Say “please and thank you” vs. Ignore simple courtesies
* Ask vs. Tell
* People before things, vs. Things before people
* Employ lessons learned vs. Blame others
* Transparency vs. Protectionism
* Own the mistake vs. Ignore the mistake
* Excellence vs. Perfectionism
* Do the right thing vs. Need to be right
As a leadership coach, I continually beat the drum that “true confidence” gives you the courage to be transparent about your strengths and shortcomings. While it may seem counter-intuitive, your transparency give permission for others to be authentic as well. Sometimes, the smartest person in the room–is the one who does not have to act like it!
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